


5 Times Sara Lance Lost Someone and the 1 Time She Found Something

by AlwaysAkin



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), Supergirl (TV 2015), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Bisexual Sara Lance, Crisis on Infinite Earths Crossover Event (CW DC TV Universe), F/F, F/M, Gen, POV Sara Lance, Post-Crisis On Earth-X Crossover Event (CW DC TV Universe), Sara Lance Needs a Hug, Sara Lance is the White Canary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:01:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22349170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysAkin/pseuds/AlwaysAkin
Summary: Throughout her time as the Canary, the White Canary, and the captain of the Waverider, Sara Lance has experienced her fair share of loss.Or:The five times Sara Lance lost someone she loved, and the one time she found something important.
Relationships: Laurel Lance & Sara Lance, Nyssa al Ghul/Sara Lance, Quentin Lance & Sara Lance, Sara Lance & Oliver Queen, Sara Lance & Team Legends, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe (Mentioned), Sara Lance/Leonard Snart
Comments: 2
Kudos: 75





	5 Times Sara Lance Lost Someone and the 1 Time She Found Something

**1\. Nyssa**

Sara can’t go back to the league. She knows this. She’s had enough, of the killing, the guilt eating away at her soul every time she kills someone. She meant what she said to Oliver. Some part of them, the part of them that was human, died on that island. 

But some part of her doesn’t believe that, as she looks at Nyssa, crying so openly, and feels… 

The assassins of the league aren’t supposed to show emotions. Sara learned that quickly when she arrived at Nanda Parbat, and she has the scars to prove it. So that fact that Nyssa al Ghul displays her emotions so openly feels almost like a declaration of love. 

Sara banishes the warm, fuzzy feeling that grows inside her at the thought. She can break free from the league, see her family again, and join Oliver on his quest to save the city full-time.

Finally, the canary could be someone again. As Sara’s mother and father hold her, weeping openly, she tells herself: _this is a win_. 

But as she looks at Nyssa’s retreating form, blending with the shadows and disappearing into the night, all she can think is _: why does it feel like such a loss?_

**2\. Laurel**

Sara doesn’t truly feel like she loses her sister until months after Laurel’s death, as she stands, holding the spear, facing off the Legion of Doom. 

Sure, she knew before that Laurel was dead, but it didn’t feel _real_. It was more like an abstract concept, something not yet set in stone, something easily fixable. 

_She is a time traveller, after all._

She guesses some part of her just always thought she could kill Damian Darhk and bring Laurel back, but now, speaking to her, knowing that this will be the last time she ever hears her sister’s voice, all the memories come flashing back.

~~

_She is ten, and arguing with Laurel about who’s turn it is to do the dishes. Dad roles his eye and smiles and tells the girls to stop arguing._

_She is squeezing her sister’s hand as the cart climbs up to the top of the big rollercoaster at the country fair._

_She is hugging Laurel when she finds out that her sister has gotten into university, putting her one step closer on her path to law school._

_She is ignoring the guilt that envelops her as she texts Ollie and agrees to come with him on the Queen’s Gambit._

_She is wearing her wig and costume and watching her sister from the shadows, relishing as she sees her smile, and thinking: If you’re happy, then I’m happy too._

~~

**3\. Leonard**

Sara feels numb as she hops back on the Waverider, and ignores the sympathetic-looking glances of Ray as she rushes her way back up to her room. She doesn’t cry, the league has trained her too well for that. She couldn’t cry if she wanted to. And some part of her - _almost wants to_. 

_When did this happen?_

She remembers, dimly, the events of the night. She remembers kissing him, ready to tell him that she loved him, the words on the tip of her tongue. 

Then Rip shouted and she ran, and Lenoard was gone. And she didn’t tell him. She thinks of meeting him, of mission after mission doing what the league taught her and _ignoring_ her emotions, _distancing_ herself from the people on the Waverider.

And then she realizes: she failed. She cares for these people. They aren’t dad or mom or Laurel or Ollie. And she still cares. 

As the hours stretch on, and she ignores everything and everyone, and Ray and Jax are knocking on her door (she doesn’t answer), the loss feels like an emptiness in her chest. 

He’s gone. He’s not coming back.

She tells herself: _he died to save us. It was worth it._

And she almost believes it. 

**4\. Quentin**

When she got the call from Not-My-Laurel, she didn’t want to believe it. It couldn’t be her dad. It must be a mistake. Her dad wasn’t _dying_. That was impossible, unreal. 

So she tells her team that she needs a few days, and leaves the Waverider without a captain - _it still feels weird to think of herself as the_ captain _of a timeship_ \- and heads back home to Star City. 

And as she stares at her father in his hospital bed, barely clinging to life, she feels like her heart is going to be ripped from her chest. 

She thinks: _how is this possible? You’re the strongest person I know._

~~

_She never forgot her father’s voice, in all her time in the league. She may be the Canary, not Sara Lance, but she still misses her father._

_She remembers hugging her dad when she came back to Starling City and feeling safe for the first time in years, and warning him about the danger the league of assassins poses._

_She recalls fighting the league of assassins, with her father, so out of his depth, still pressing on. He always carries a back-up gun._

_She was dead, and now she’s alive again, and she’s staring up at her father and her rage melts away._

_She remembers coming home from her trip with the legends, and her father telling her Laurel is dead. They grieve together._

~~

She watches her father take his last breath, and she realizes that she is the last of the Lances. Not-My-Laurel watches, looking uncomfortable, and the question slips from her lips before she can help it - _are you anything like my Laurel?_

The silence is the only answer she needs. 

She turns back to her father, drinks in his comforting presence one last time, and resolves: _I will never forget your voice._

**5\. Oliver**

They did it - they defeated the anti-monitor. All of reality is saved, though some of the changes to the world will take some getting used to - since when is Supergirl on the same earth as them, and who exactly is Black Lightning?

Sara thinks: _my life has certainly changed a lot these past few years. I was dead, alive, then a captain of a time ship charged with protecting the world from demons and evil fairy godmothers._ Would anything surprise me anymore?

Then she laughs, but then it hits her: _Oliver is dead._

And at first, it doesn’t seem real. _Oliver can’t be dead._

The next few minutes feel like they stretch on for years, as Sara remembers what happens at the dawn of time. He was gone. 

And then Barry and Kara come in, smiling, chatting excitedly about this new world, and she sees their faces fall when they look at Dig’s tear stricken face, and she thinks: _nothing will be the same again._

She means what she said to Barry, about Oliver being her last link to her old life. Through thick and thin, he was always a constant in Sara’s life. 

~~

_She was rolling her eyes at her older sister going on and on about how much she loved Oliver Queen. He was player, and he would dump Laurel soon enough, she was sure of it._

_She was banishing her feelings of guilt as she snuck on the Queen’s Gambit. Surely Ollie wouldn’t have invited her if they were going to get caught?_

_She was drowning, drowning, drowning as she heard Oliver call her name._

_She was staring down the barrel of a gun as Oliver made the choice between her and Shado, and she felt so selfish for thinking:_ please pick me _._

_She sees Oliver’s eyes widen as he takes off her mask, and realizes that he’s changed too._

_She was dead, and then she was alive again, and Oliver hugs her goodbye before she boards the Waverider._

_She sees that alternate version of Oliver, in that world where she never survived, and she realizes that, without the Gambit and Ollie, she never would have found the happiness she has today with Ava._

~~  
They’ve defeated the anti-monitor at last, and peace has been restored to earth (though Supergirl keeps complaining about someone called Lex Luthor?), and they are standing in a hall and staring at Oliver’s costume.

And Sara isn’t a particularly religious person, but she thinks: _this was for you, Ollie. I hope you were watching._

Then Barry inveils the chairs and his idea for an established organization to combat the major threats they seem to face on an annual basis. He and Kara and Clark have taken to calling it the Justice League. Sara snorts, but then she sees the empty chair at the head of the table with the emblem of the arrow on it, and a steely determination fills her. 

She looks around the table and meets the eyes of her fellow heroes, including the two new faces. She hears the Waverider landing in the distance, and the murmurings of Nate and Ray having a heated argument. 

She realizes _thanks to you, Ollie, I found a new family and a new purpose._

And she thinks: _I may have lost you all, but I’m not alone._

**Author's Note:**

> After watching Crisis on Infinite Earths, I felt like Sara Lance had been a little bit shortchanged, considering she was one of the OG Arrowverse characters. It inspired me to write my very first fic. I hope you enjoyed it! Write your thoughts in the comments section below.


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